Apotheosis
by DemonBredChild
Summary: [Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi] Life was bad enough with one God. Now, Kyon nears a situation where he might have to deal with two. R&R please.
1. Self Aware

Don't own the series, just the small additions I'm making.

The first chapters a little rough, but I hope you like it. No Haruhi yet, but there will be, I promise. I'm just establishing the plot, so bear with me.

-------------------------

The SOS-dan had managed to survive ten whole months of Haruhi's reign, and it's anyone's guess as to how. By now, Nagato had become an indispensable accessory to the club room and, except for her trips to the Computer Research Society and the occasional Haruhi-induced misadventure, this remained a constant. Asahina-san was being abused, as always. Such a pity that this was her fate… Much as I would hate to acknowledge Haruhi as a god, she was certainly a strict dictator. Yet again, Koizumi Itsuki remained nonchalant and indifferent to the whole ordeal. After all, he was Haruhi's right-hand man, and was required to go along with every crazy scheme she had. Whether or not this had to do with his esper-hood, I did not know. Nevertheless, it proved an annoyance that he did nothing but was given such freedom, while I did everything only to be rewarded with more work.

It had been two months since that day in the rain, yet hardly anything has changed. Same old cruel dictator, same old indifferent members, same old wild-goose-chase, same old nonsensical lifestyle. Same-old, same-old had been the theme of the past two months. This is why it came as a surprise when Haruhi did not show up at school today. It was a relief to be out of Haruhi's grasp once more. Such brief respites were rare, and so, I did my best to cherish and lengthen them. Sadly, even when not in her presence, my feet had led me yet again to the cursed clubroom door. I'd contemplated once before how manipulative the force of habit was. Even so, this element of human nature was becoming my newest pet peeve.

Luckily, the time spent at SOS-dan HQ was uneventful and relaxing. My sweet Asahina-chan served me her wonderful herbal tea, Itsuki challenged me to a game of chess, and faired poorly, while Nagato read one of her books. I think she'd chosen a Tolkein book.. the Silmarillion, was it? I don't remember. Surely, there must have been a God other than Suzumiya Haruhi, for what other gracious and merciful entity would grant me such sympathy? But I digress. By the end of the day, I knew something must have been wrong. There could be no other explanation for such an uneventful evening.

You know that feeling of inevitable impending doom that you get when you know something was wrong? It became a part of me after meeting Suzumiya. Which is why I was so surprised to feel it again when nearing my locker. Curious, I turned the lock's dial accordingly, and opened the rusty metal container. A note lay inside among my possessions. Instantly, Asakura Ryoko came to mind, and I found myself reluctant to touch to piece of parchment. Still, it wouldn't hurt to glance at it… reading never killed anyone.

Hastily, I picked up the neatly cut paper. It read:

"_Meet me at the park at 7:30 tonight,_

_-Nagato Yuki"_

Again, I felt relief wash over me. But that was strange… Yuki-san had never been this forward before. My comfort wavered, which surprised me, for I'd forgotten I'd had any comfort left at all. In any case, I wasn't doing anything important tonight, so I had no excuse to stay home. Besides, after such a long period of normality, I'd almost been expecting this.

So I went.

The night air was cool, but warm. A thin layer of light played across the rough bark of trees, illuminating the clusters of thin leaves upon them. Blossoms were beginning to bloom, signifying the coming of spring. It felt calm, almost heavenly. I stopped pedaling upon reaching the same park bench on which I'd first met Nagato that fateful night. There she was again, book in hand, scanning each page with a glance, then moving on to the next. I hopped off my bike and set it down on the floor. The rattle of the metal caught her attention.

Perhaps it was the lack of light, but she really did look cute without her glasses.

I checked my watch; 7:23.

"You're early."

"Yeah. Did you wait long, Nagato-san?"

She shook her head.

"What did you want to talk about?"

She gazed at me for a moment. I wonder... what does she think about when she looks at me?

Yuki closed the large, bulky, paperback book, and stood up. "Come with me." I did as told, but remembered to grab my bike before continuing on. We walked for ten minutes, out of the park, down empty streets, to a residential area I wasn't familiar with. "Where are we going?"

"To meet another Living Human Interface."

Say what?

"…"

Why would we need to do something like that? Is this about Haruhi?

"No. This is not directly related to Suzumiya Haruhi."

That's a first. For the past year, it seemed almost everything Nagato Yuki did had been centered around observing and appeasing Suzumiya Haruhi. I perked my head up in interest, waiting for her to continue.

"However, this concerns a being similar to Suzumiya Haruhi."

What! More of them? Why is the world so cruel? Perhaps Haruhi was so full of herself that she felt the need to make clones. _Yare Yare_... this really is getting old.. "So… who is this... 'being' …that's similar to Suzumiya-san?"

We came to a stop in front of an apartment complex. I attached my bike's chain to a nearby bike rack and let Yuki lead me through the building's entrance on to an elevator. Briefly glancing at me, she pressed a button that led to the top floor. The air-conditioned lift was giving me goosebumps. "He is a human, much like yourself. The Integrated Data Entity has known of his existence since its arrival on earth four years ago."

Four years ago… formerly three years ago…why does that keep popping up everywhere?

"He was observed to be a potential auto-evolution possibility, but had not shown signs of auto-evolution at the level Suzumiya Haruhi has. Because of this, he has been left disregarded and under minor surveillance. Few changes have occurred since then." She paused, perhaps to let me process it all. "However, recent reports have led the Integrated Data Entity to reconsider their decision. Kimidori Emiri, or 'Emily,' as her name would be pronounced in America, has been in charge of observing him. She is one of my subordinates."

Hah. What was more surprising, Nagato's flawless English accent, or the proof the Kimidori Emiri was an associate of Yuki? _Probably the accent…_

The elevator came to a smooth halt, and its polished metallic doors pulled apart to give passage to... well, to be honest, I really don't know. Yuki led me to a stairway, and after climbing up some more, we arrived at…the roof? Before I could question the alien girl any further, she continued on to the corner of the building where, conveniently enough, Kimidori was waiting for her.

The lime haired girl bowed and greeted us. I returned the greeting, while Nagato only nodded. She pointed over the side of the building to a basketball court about half a block away. On the east side of the court was a guy, practicing his dunks. Every now and then, he would follow up with a layout or a free throw. I watched him for a few minutes…

…and came to the conclusion that something wasn't right here.

"What's so special about him?"

When an answer did not come from Yuki, Kimidori answered in her place. "He is an autoevolution being, an entity capable of manipulating the data of this program, as well as the operating system behind the program."

"So, what? He can defy the laws of physics?"

"He can _define_ the laws of physics."

Well, that's bad. Actually, he does sound a lot like Haruhi, now that I think about it… that could be a problem. Before I could express my concerns, Kimidori-san continued on with her explanation.

"Fortunately, his abilities are nowhere near those of Suzumiya Haruhi. At best, he can currently manipulate in-program data within or under 145,000 entries of code, of which must be composed within or under 232 strings of code."

_Er...okay... _it was the usual science-talk. Which meant that, as usual, it was beyond my comprehension, which was probably for the best… "And this means?"

"His manipulative abilities are extremely limited. For the sake of simplicity, if his abilities were to be measured in terms of kinetic force, he would be unable to successfully move an object with a weight of 600 kilograms more than a distance of five centimeters. Likewise, his ranges of abilities are also limited. For instance, while he can alter its shape, velocity, mass, volume, density, and other forms of non-base data, he can not recode the raw data of entities to, for example, change a Hydrogen atom into an Iron atom, or a Proton into a Neutron. Nor would he be able to alter the properties of an entity, such as its radioactivity, flexibility, flammability, chemical properties, ma—"

"Okay! I get it, I get it!" _Not really. But as long as it shuts her up… I'm not complaining._ "So, that's good. Right?" Nagato responded this time. I nearly forgot she was here.

"It would appear that way. However, we have discovered three things that have been reasons of concern among the Integrated Data Entity. First, he was not always able to use these abilities. Research has led to the discovery that his autoevolution abilities first became active five and a half years ago."

_Well, at least it's a break from three years ago._

"Even then, he could only manipulate ten characters in only one line at a time. As you can see, his abilities have been growing since then. Which leads us to the next reason for concern. His ability have grown, and are continuing to grow, at an alarming rate, no less. Each week, he can successfully use another 16250 characters worth of data, though we have yet to see any grow in his string limit. What's more, his growth rate also seems to accelerate each month. The Integrated Data Entity is still unsure of how or why this process occurs."

Yeah, that definitely sounds bad.

"Once again, we've been fortunate enough to have this occurrence within a being with a stable mind, far more stable than Suzumiya Haruhi. If his behavior patters remain as is, we most-likely have nothing to fear."

Well, that's good. I guess that's what Yuki meant when she said he was like me. _Well, she was partially right, I guess._

"However… we also have reason to believe these patterns will change, and this all rests on our final, and most important reason, the sole factor that sets him apart from Suzumiya Haruhi."

Other than the fact that he might be sane? "So, what is it?"

Nagato paused. It didn't look like she was thinking over what to say. I thought I noticed her eyes move down and back for a moment. Was she.. no way… could she possibly be nervous?

"Well, Nagato-san? What is it? What makes this guy so special?"

"…."

"He is becoming self-aware."

-------------------------

SOS-dan: SOS Brigade

Yare Yare, pronounced Ya-reh Ya-reh, is the equivalent of saying 'oh brother…'


	2. Just One Name?

Once again, I do not own the series, just the plot and the characters that I make up. Still no Haruhi in this chapter, but you get some first impressions of the new 'God.'

-------------------------

"**Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic."**

-Dune (1965), from _The Sayings of Muad'Dib_ by the Princess Irulan

The Moon seemed brighter tonight. Or perhaps I just hadn't looked at the moon in a while. It's too bad, too, because I should do so more often. Sure, it's just a huge ball of rock in the sky, but even so, its beauty should not be taken for granted. Hah! Beauty… If one were to ask me what I thought beauty was, I would direct them to my dear Mikuru-chan. But for tonight, the moon seemed just as beautiful, and I was trying to take it all in as best as I could.

Which is probably why I missed Kimidori-san's last comment.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"He is becoming self-aware. He is discovering his own abilities."

The sentence replayed itself for another ten seconds before its meaning finally registered in my head. For a moment, I imagined the repercussions of Haruhi discovering her own powers. A single image came to mind:

Armageddon.

"You've got to be kidding me!" You _better_ be kidding me!

"I am afraid she is telling the truth." Nagato reentered the fray. "He has the capacity to consciously change existence. The Integrated Data Entity fears that with enough time, his abilities may grow to the point where he can alter the Data Entity itself. The situation grows riskier each day. There have been periods when his ability suddenly spiked an order of magnitude. These spikes are becoming more frequent."

Hm... Yes, I can see how that would give those so-called 'immortals' a scare. So then, why haven't you gotten rid of him?

"He represents a paradox. Whereas he may be the source of the Integrated Data Entity's demise, he is also the only self-aware auto-evolution being, as well as the only one yet to show progress. Thus far, Suzumiya Haruhi's abilities have not changed once since their discovery, though her behavior has gone through various phases, and we have experienced several physical phenomena because of this. But she has shown no change, which is why observation over her may soon be abandoned and replaced with more thorough surveillance over him."

It's been a while since Nagato talked this much. Perhaps I should have brought along a tape recorder…

I grimaced at the thought of all of this. "So he's their only lifeline, is that it? What about the other groups? Do Koizumi and Asahina know anything about this?"

"No." she stated. "The auto-evolution being has not affected space-time in such a way noticeable to their factions. The Integrated Data Entity is also doing all in its power to keep others from discovering his potential, for fear of his termination. We can not confirm the Future Humans' position on this matter, but it is most likely that the self-proclaimed 'Agency' would find him a threat to Suzumiya Haruhi, and thus view him as a threat to their existence."

Ugh.. this was getting more and more complicated.. I don't really want to hear the rest.

"Very well." Nagato turned to look over the side of the building. Kimidori followed her gaze. Both were staring at the figure of the young man, still playing basketball all through our conversation. "…The Integrated Data Entity wishes for you to meet him."

…

Wait, what?

"The Integrated Data Entity wishes for you to meet him."

Why!?!

"It is an experiment to determine whether or not your presence will have an effect on him as it did on Suzumiya Haruhi."

So I'm some sort of guinea pig now? And you expect me to play along? I didn't say that out loud, of course. But it looked like I didn't need to.

"Kyon… I am required by the entity to have you interact with him, no matter the means. Even if I fail to accomplish this, others will act in my place." I thought I saw the hint of a frown on her face… these small changes are becoming more noticeable to me nowadays… In any case, I got the point. She didn't want to do it, but it wasn't her place to argue.

"Okay, I'll do it." After all, he's more like me than Haruhi, right? How bad could it be.

Nagato nodded, and again, I saw the small hint of change on her face. The curve of her lips seemed to flip this time. A smile, perhaps? There's always a little doubt when trying to figure Yuki out. But I think I'm doing quite well, since she's an alien and I'm just … normal.

…

Why does that sound so depressing?

Bah! Haruhi is getting to me! Damn you, woman; get out of my head!

In any case, I couldn't help but agree with the thought. If not for the people I hung around, I would probably be normal, more normal than most of the people at school. I suppose that meant it would be a good thing to go meet with this God-to-be. Who knows, it might be rather amusing.

"So, when're going?"

"Now," Kimidori-san stepped forward "follow me, please." Again, I was led into the large, cold, concrete building. The elevator whined downward this time. I wasn't able to tell if it was chillier while standing outside with the night air, or standing inside the elevator under the damned AC. I was grateful to finally get out of the infernal contraption and move around in some nice, room temperature air. But that relief left me as we went outside again. I really should have brought a jacket…

The basketball court we were heading to was right behind the building, some thirthy-ish feet away from its backside. Upon closer inspection, they appeared rather dirty, with some trash spread around in the corners. The place was ill-kept, except for the patches of land around the free-throw lines. I assumed that the dirt and trash from there had been kicked away by the players themselves.

There he was. Standing in all his sweaty glory, messy dark hair and all, was the one being in the world capable of defying Suzumiya Haruhi. A blue T-shirt covered his chest, and the shirt itself had a knight on it, printed in white, with a small speech bubble connected to his head. The bubble read 'Ni!' How odd… An orange wristband was on his right arm, a green one on his left. He wore some fairly large and baggy shorts, almost reaching down to his shins. I'm not sure if they could be called shorts anymore... perhaps you could call them short pants… Lastly, he wore a pair of running shoes, with horseshoe-shaped heels. I'm not sure what the point of it was, but it _did_ look cool…

As we neared him, the air grew warm. Chills weren't creeping down my spine anymore, which was both pleasant and interesting. Also, the number of stars in the sky seemed to grow tenfold. It didn't look that way from the roof, mind you. The only stars normally visible from here are the really bright ones... yet, we could see thousands in just a few moments. I was starting to see, up front, the similarities between this guy and Haruhi.

Nagato also seemed notice, because she was looking up at the sky as well. Kimidori-san raised a hand and waved at the boy in T-shirt. "Raito, shouldn't you be in bed?" She said something English, and it flew right over my head. Oh, her accent was also flawless. Not surprising, I guess.

The boy noticed our presence and waved back with a grin. "Shouldn't you? Your parents will be worried if their goody-two-shoes daughter goes missing after dark." A third flawless English accent! But I suppose his was natural.

"I could always blame it on you."

Her reaction was surprisingly human. To be honest, I'm not sure what she said, but it _sounded_ human to me. Hell, she was even smiling! Like a normal girl! I wonder… perhaps she wasn't programmed this way. Perhaps she developed her personality. That would mean she had time to develop it. So, how come Nagato is so quiet and robot-like? Hasn't she been around as long as Kimidori-san? Then again, she had been living in isolation for most of her life … watching over my and Asahina-san's bodies…

I put the thoughts aside. It was too much work to think so long into the day.

"Yeah, whatever… So, who are your friends?" The switch from Japanese to English was near undectedable.

"Oh, right. Raito-san, this is Nagato Yuki and Kyon."

Our eyes connected and my glance met his. He quirked a brow. I quirked in return.

"Kyon?"

"Yeah?"

"Just one name?"

"Do I need more?"

"Most people have two."

"Then I guess we're not most people."

"Guess so."

It wasn't a very exciting conversation, but it was a start. Besides, he was brief, he was blunt, and he made sense. Truly the antithesis of Haruhi… I guess being strange has nothing to do with receiving Godly powers… In any case, suffice it to say that he felt less like a ticking time bomb and more like a person. So I attempted to converse with him, as most people do when interacting with others.

"So, you play basketball?"

"Kinda. It's a hobby, but I'm not that passionate about it. I'm not on a team, if that's what you mean."

I nodded in understanding. He bounced the ball a couple a bit and used this time to relax his much exercised brow. I took notice of Nagato-san and Kimidori-san conversing a little ways off. Raito seemed to as well. I sensed that he may have been thinking the same thing I was.

"What do you think they're talking about?"

"Beats me," I said.

…

What followed was a long silence. I enjoyed the warm breeze and the night sky, occasionally turning to watch him make a shot. A comforting feeling washed over me, and for a brief moment, I almost thought the universe was beginning to fall into harmony.

"So… Emily tells me I'll be going to the same school as you starting next week."

Yup, yup…

…

"Wait, _what?!_"

Almost.

-------------------------

I apologize for the lateness of the update. School has been getting in the way of personal things. But remember, reviews help! So send me more please!


	3. Clash of the Two Titans

I don't own the Suzumiya Haruhi series or any Haruhi-related copyright material, nor do I own any copyrighted Onegai Sensei stuff. EAT THAT, LAWYERS. OOOWWWNNNEEEED. OH, WHATS THAT? YOU WANT SOME MORE?! DO YA? DOO YAAA??? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! SO SHUT UP!

And FYI, Macross Robotech, so there, I win, and the world is happy once more.

P.S. Haruhi is here!

"Kyon-kun is home!"

I faked to the left, sprinted to the right, jumped through the doorway, slammed the door shut and made sure I heard the lock go 'click' before I slumped to the floor, exhausted and mildly sweaty. Ah, that stench was probably me, too. I guess a bath is in order, then….

"Kyon-_kun!_"

Ugh, why did she insist on banging the door? I could almost feel her grown through the wooden door.

After returning home upon a frightful discovery, and narrowly escaping an overly clingy sister, a bath would do me good. I could still hear her through the walls… curses, they're no better than cardboard, and they don't do a thing for noise pollution, either. Ah, that's better, it sounds like she's leaving… I gathered some fresh clothing from the drawers that populated my room, peeked my head out the door, and upon discovering a silent hallway, quickly tiptoed off to the bathroom.

Once inside, I locked the door, turned on the hot water, and began to relieve myself of my clothing. Hah, let's see Haruhi try and ruin this part of my life!

…

Bad Kyon! _Bad_! We do not _think_ of HER in **_HERE! _**

Honestly, you'd think she really was taking over my life, as if the universe wasn't enough. But at the very least, I'm pretty sure some higher diety is out there, doing his or her best drive me insane. After all, what else could have caused this to happen?

"_C-could you repeat that, please?"_

"_I said we're going to the same school. I start next week, so remember to show me around, alright?"_

"_Right, of course. Then, if you'll excuse me for a moment… NAGATO! We need to talk!"_

And if that wasn't bad enough….

"_You don't care?!?"_

"_The results of you interaction with him will prove useful."_

"_That's not a good reason!"_

"_He may also interact with Haruhi. The Integrated Data Entity wishes to see the results."_

"_That's an even worse reason! Why are you just playing along with this, Nagato-san?"_

"_I require entertainment."_

"…_Say what?"_

She had to be kidding! Was watching me die considered _entertainment?!_ Feh, we'll just see about that. If I'm lucky, Raito and Haruhi will destroy each other before any harm comes to me. Then again, they might also destroy the universe while they're at it… And that damned Koizumi will be smiling the whole way through! What a useless idiot, how did he get promoted before I did? Gah! I though about her again! No, NO! I refuse to acknowledge it! This train of thought never happened! This shower never happened! I was never here!

Drying myself off and slipping on some new clothes, I sneaked back to my room and went straight to bed. To hell with homework, I'll make Koizumi do it! He's better at math, anyway. Maybe I'll get lucky just wake up from this dream. Maybe, just maybe….

…One can only hope…

I'd forgotten that it had been Friday then. The weekend slipped away like a gentle breeze, and before I knew it, I was going back to school. Oh joy. Another day, another trek up the hill. You'd be surprised how fit you get after repeating this for over a year. The pre-spring air was refreshing, though I'd have preferred a less chilly day. I met Taniguchi up at the summit. He always manages to beat me here, even though he lives farther away than I do. I think it's just to show off.

"Yo."

"Hey, hey! Another day, another climb, ne Kyon?"

Wastefully cheerful, as usual.

"Don't you ever get tired of saying that?"

"Nope!"

Why doesn't that surprise me? Probably because of junior high. I'll never forget the time Taniguchi ran the mile-run under four minutes.

So, we made our way over to the school, like we always did. Strange how no matter how odd life gets, it never really changes. There was a difference in today's trek, though. A small one, but a difference nonetheless. A gorgeous woman, rivaling the captivating beauty and overall sexiness of the future Asahina-san, stood before me. This was because I'd taken a detour today to avoid talking to Taniguchi; I simply didn't have the patience for it today, after what happened last night. The woman had pink hair, and large set of glasses before her eyes.

"Kei-kun! Kei-kun! Oh… where could he have gone?... Oh, excuse me."

My god… she was heading this way. What do I do? What do I do? Okay, breath in… breath out… breathe in, breath out… you can do this, Kyon, you can do thi- sweet mother, what a pair! They bounce just like Mikuru's.. Snap out of it! Alright, here she comes. Behave yourself, Kyon. What would Asahina-san say if she saw you like this?

"Excuse me, can you please help me? I'm looking for someone."

"Ah.. yes, sure, what does he look like?"

"Ah, well, he's somewhat scrawny, a little below your height, with dirty blonde hair and a pair of glasses that look like mine. He's also extremely pale. He was wearing a traditional school uniform."

Jeez, they even bounced when she talked…

"I'm sorry, miss, I'm afraid I haven't seen anyone like that. Good luck finding him."

She frowned a bit, but nodded and went on her way. Wow… I could definitely use a woman like that. Funny though, she looked vaguely familiar. Where have I seen her before? Maybe she posed as a model once for a magazine or something. Ah well, it doesn't matter anymore, the school's already in view. I caught Taniguchi just as he was making his way back in.

"Oi, what took you?"

"I was enjoying the scenery. What about you? Why were you waiting out here?"

He grinned as if I was supposed to know the answer. "Come on, Kyon. My day wouldn't be complete without you to annoy."

_Oh, of course, how could I have missed that wonderful little detail?_

"Well, I'm here now, happy? C'mon, we're going to be late if we keep this up."

A little pushing and shoving later and we'd arrived at our classroom. Haruhi was in her spot right behind my seat, as always, staring off into the sky. Taniguchi gave me a pat on the back and wished me luck. I wasn't sure if he knew of my current problem, but seeing as he did this everyday, I guess he'd finally understood the rigorous life Haruhi put me through.

"Thanks."

We both headed to our respective seats. I greeted Haruhi as I reached mine.

"Yo" No response. That was different. The short dark brown hair tied up with the neat yellow ribbon refused to stir. By now, she'd have turned the whole classroom inside out… I wonder what's wrong. "Why were you gone yesterday?"

"Sick."

Now, _that_ was interesting… Haruhi never got sick. She was like that bastard, Taniguchi: not a single virus could harm her. The flu? Hah! Common cold? Never! Both of them were impenetrable, like walking tanks of titanium alloy. I understood why this was so for Taniguchi, he was simply raised this way. But Haruhi… for her to get sick would mean that something was really screwing with her.

"Sick? You mean like a cold?"

She turned over to me with a curious expression. "No, actually. It's funny, I haven't gotten sick for three years now, but for some reason, I had a really bad fever yesterday, just out of nowhere." Spring fever, maybe? Who knows, it didn't look like Haruhi understood it herself, either. I'd have to ask Nagato about it later. "But it was really weird, Kyon. My nose wasn't runny and I wasn't coughing. I felt normal, the only difference was that I was overheating or something. We called for a doctor, but he couldn't figure it out either. He just said to stay in bed and wait for it pass." Hm… I know I should be more concerned, but if it didn't bother Haruhi's mental stability, it didn't seem like that big of a problem.

Eh? Why was she staring at me like that?

"Kyon, don't you find this the least bit strange?"

No, not really,_considering who I hang out with…_

"But this could be some undiscovered mutant virus bent on destroying all life on Earth!" Her hands flew to my collar faster than Sonic on crack. The proceeding earthquake that was Haruhi rumbled past the point of no return. "If we prove its existence, we could save the world! And be millionaires! The SOS-dan will be honored forever in the annals of history!" Shut up. Stop shaking me. Give me my life back, damnit!

And what if we fail?

"Then I _die_, you baka! You don't want your chief to die, do you?"

_Well, actually…_

"What's with that look, Kyon? Oh, nevermind, you're still as useless as ever."

Jeez, look who's talking.

"What was that?"

"Ah, nothing… so, anything else on your mind?"

"No, not really. Why?"

Should I tell her? Raito hadn't turned up yet, maybe he wasn't in this class. Better check again. My gaze slowly shift toward the door. Nope, nothing yet..nope…nope….nothi—damnit! Speak of the devil… Raito was leaning lazily against the doorway with a cheerful countenance. He acknowledged me with a slight wave. Oh well, no reason to delay the inevitable.

"Actually, a new student transferred in recently."

I wonder if you can get sent to court for triggering the end of the world…

"Really?" Haruhi's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas day.

"Yeah, in fact… he's standing right over there."

Reluctantly, I pointed toward the messiah of the apocalypse, who stood roughly 75 degrees to my right. Roughly. Did I mention I suck at math?

The two demons, or gods, call them what you will, locked eyes for what seemed like the longest second in history. I expected Haruhi to approach him. It was Raito instead that made the first move. One step. Two steps. Soon, a whole series of steps led him to my and Haruhi's desk.

"Who's this?" He asked. I guess he was asking me, but I didn't dare answer. I've done enough, as it is.

"Super Director Suzumiya Haruhi of the SOS-dan, at your service! So, I see you're a mysterious transfer student!"

The expression on his face read as '…_What?_'

"Say, do you have a dark and tragic past?" She circled him once or twice, like a hawk observing her prey. "I bet he does, ne Kyon? He probably has scars covering his body, too." she turned back to the poor boy. "So, where'd you come from?"

"Uh.. the US…"

"An American! Wow, you must have a dark past then, right? Right? And you're in a gang with lot's of big black guys too, aren't you? And you probably have a super fast car, or a motorcycle! No, wait, ten motorcycles! They're nothing special for you, right? Right? Oh, you like guns too, don't you? Hey, I know a store that sells guns! They're probably nothing like the ones you have back home, but they're pretty cool! I'll show them to you later. So, you're in our club now, right? Perfect! Kyon could use a side-kick, after all."

Ah! My Goddess! What have I done? I've shamelessly and irresponsibly thrown away a burden that was assigned to me and only me, and placed it upon the shoulders of an unsuspecting innocent! Poor Raito didn't stand a chance against the monster that was Haruhi, a monster that I had helped set in motion…

…

Oh well. Sorry, Raito. I really need a vacation from Haruhi.

At last, the other God-to-be was given a break when Okabe sensei walked in and told the class to settle down.

"Everyone, we have a new transfer student, so I'd like you all to give him a warm welcome. Come on up and introduce yourself, Raito-san." The gaijin stood up, made his way to the front of the class, and started to say a few things about himself. I settled into my seat and prepared another long session of class.

The day went on routinely at first. Coincidentally, Kimidori-san was placed in the same class as Nagato. This was to be expected, she was Nagato's subordinate after all. Raito didn't seem too captivated by class, but neither did anyone else, so I guess that doesn't matter much. During lunchtime, however, I saw him standing by the same pool Haruhi usually visits. Among the strange phenomena that have taken to Raito's presence as of late, the emission of ripples was just one of them. Wherever Raito would go around the pool's side, a series of ripples would follow his position. I couldn't tell if this action was conscious or subconscious, but it didn't look like anyone else was paying attention to him, so I let the thought slip.

Koizumi and Asahina-san were both a bit suspicious of Raito, but neither said anything about their thoughts. Assuming what Nagato said was true, neither have any idea of what he is. I guess that means I'd have to work toward keeping them from finding out as well. Spike Spiegel probably had it easier than this…

Then again, Spike Spiegel wasn't graced with the one and only Mikuru-chan either. I guess you had to take the good with the bad; it's all part of growing up, anyway. Still, this entire mess is escalating into something I shouldn't have to deal with. Come on, you stupid Americans. Stop wasting your time with the Iraqis and nuke Haruhi already! She's the real threat, you fools!

The prime minister would kill me for such thoughts. All things considered, I would probably be required to commit seppuku right about now. Wait, I could always blame it on Koizumi, and it's no big deal if the fault is his, right? He can talk his way out of anything.

Speaking of nukes, the ensuing chaos of the day could have been compared to one. Haruhi had really gone all out this time, and Raito was experienced every second of it. By the end of the day, she ordered Koizumi to 'escort' Raito to SOS-dan HQ. Raito was powerless to refuse (I assumed he was trying to keep his abilities under wraps) and was lost to Haruhi's whims. Regretfully, I followed them all to what would become another headache for our soon-to-be newest member.

Mercy be upon you, Raito-san. You can't pray for much else when in Haruhi's hands.

) Cookies for everyone that got the cameo and other real-world references. No, this isn't the end of the day. The next chapter will cover how the SOS Brigade meeting goes, so don't go anywhere, alright?


	4. Bad Timing

I've noticed that there have been some fic malfuctions in the upload process. I'll try and make sure there are less of those. Sorry in advance. Also sorry for the uber-late update. School+Starcraft+Projects+Life+Laziness makes it hard for me to remember to write my fics.. hehe.

JWM: No. But nice job in noticing that, I did get a little inspiration from Death Note. I wanted an 'L' too, but that would be too much name-jacking.

* * *

"Hey, stop that!" 

I'm sorry; there really isn't much I can do.

"What're you—don't touch me there!"

Haruhi ended up forcing me into 'escorting' Raito to the club room as well. Koizumi was next to me, smiling as if none of this was out of the ordinary. The odd glance he sent me, however, said otherwise. Haruhi arrived at the room before us, tapping her foot impatiently. Immediately, she began glaring at me.

"Well, what're you waiting for?"

Huh?

"Open the door, you buffoon! That's what servants do for their queen!" Ah, so you're a queen now… What next? Princess? Empress? Queen of England? You've already hit goddess, what more do you need? Whatever.

I shrugged and opened the door nonchalantly. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Haruhi stepped in, followed by Raito and myself, Asahina-san, Nagato-san, and Koizumi. Haruhi was quick to put on her Ultra-Chief gear before shoving Raito into a corner and gathering up everyone else in what I guess she'd call 'routine' procedure.

To be honest, we've only done this kind of thing for one other person, and that was Koizumi, but none of this stuff looks familiar to me… For instance, Koizumi was standing up when Haruhi made him a club member. Raito is sitting down, and in Yuki's chair, no less. I don't think I've ever seen Yuki look so puzzled before. Or mad, irritated, perhaps? I was unfamiliar with this particular face. Even if it hardly moves, it still does sometimes, and it takes me time to sort between facial expressions. No, really.

I offered her my seat, just incase, seeing as it was a bad idea to upset Yuki, no matter what you thought of her. Anyway, another oddity was the absence of Mikuru-chan's heavenly tea. I had no chose but to take this as a bad omen caused by Raito's arrival. So much for standard procedure, if there is such a thing.

As I absent mindedly fiddle with a small string I plucked off my uniform, Raito was sworn in as my official side-kick. Whoop-dee-doo. What caught my attention, however, was when Haruhi handed him a mop and a bucket—Where did those come from?—and flung a broom at me. Quick reflexes, honed from being around Haruhi more often than healthy, jumped to life and sprung my arms forward. I'd caught the broom long before I realized what was happening. With a push and a swift kick, Haruhi launched both myself and Raito out into the hall, grinning menacingly all the while.

"You two are on cleaning duty! When I step out of this room again, I want to be blinded! Make this hall shine with cleanliness, understand?"

I nodded automatically. Raito did the same; I guess he was just following my lead. The bewildered look on his face confirmed my suspicions. With a smile and a wink, Haruhi wished us good luck and slammed the door shut. It took me another minute to process the last ten minutes of my life.

"…Hm."

"Does she do this often?"

What do you mean?

"Launching people out of doors. Forcing work onto others. Cleaning random sections of the school. That sort of thing."

Yes, Yes, No. Never the cleaning part. I don't remember her ever forcing us to clean the clubroom, much less the hallway. Come to think of it, why are we cleaning the hall?

"_Because I told you to!"_ came the demoness' voice from behind the closed door.

"Ah…" I guess that leaves us with no choice. I _could_ argue against Haruhi, but that would only be delaying the inevitable (I seem to be getting that a lot lately…).

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't so bad. Janitorial work wasn't something I enjoyed, but at least it was easy. The lack of a narcissistic control freak looming overhead was also a plus. And other than Raito's low hum of a tune I was unfamiliar with, the atmosphere of the hall was quiet and relaxing. After I'd reached the end of my side of the hallway, I waited a moment for Raito to finish with his. Still, we had to wait for the wet floor to dry. Raito spent the whole time glaring at the floor. Perhaps he was trying to use heat vision of some sort. It seemed silly, yet I found that the water had dried much quicker than usual; it had hardly been a minute before we could walk back to SOS HQ.

"Kuso… We must have been working for an hour. Well, at least it's over." Raito raised his arms and folded them behind his head, stretching out his back. "Let's try and avoid this next time around, ne Kyon?"

Sounds good, I'll leave you in charge of that; Let me know when you get Haruhi to listen to reason, would you?

"Pessimistic, aren't you?"

Realistic. Not pessimistic, realistic. There's a difference, you know. Then again, I suppose someone like Raito isn't the type to be limited by realism… or reality, for that matter.

We hesitated a moment. Slowly, I reached for the door handle, Haruhi somehow preempted my action and pulled the door back, pulling in a gust of wind. "Don't tell me you're tired already! It's only been—… Eh? You're done? Wow, Kyon, I guess you can be useful with the proper amount of abuse…"

How does her logic work, I wonder?

"You too, Raito, you'll make a good slave.. to think, you did this in under ten minutes, very impressive."

Yeah, yeah. I wasn't in the mood for either insults or congratulations, which, ironically, came hand-in-hand when dealing with Haruhi. I mean, honestly, after an hour's worth of work, wouldn't you be tired too?

I sat back in my usual spot, and leaned back comfortably, relaxing my head. Raito, for some reason, was as stiff as a stick. Wouldn't he be tired too? He worked that hour with me, afterall…

…

Hey, wait a second..

"..Ten minutes? Ah.. are you sure about that, Suzumiya-san?" Raito's face betrayed his worry. Yeah, now that I think about it, he's right in worrying. I could have sworn it'd been an hour too. There was only one way to find out.

"Of course I'm sure, baka! I wouldn't say so if I weren't!"

Yuki was giving me that look again. Mikuru-san was equally disturbed, I think, but I guess she chose not to act on it. I knew it. Knew it, knew it, knew it! Something was up. Something was always up. I better go find out what, though. I walked up to Yuki.

"Nagato-san, do you mind if we—"

"Yes. Follow me."

"Ah.. I…okay." It's nice that Nagato knows everything. It makes small talk somewhat difficult, though…

* * *

"There was a temporal disturbance in the hallway." 

We were one story below everyone else in a long-since abandoned classroom, seated on a pair of chairs that were probably older than my mother.

"The section of space-time encompassing the hallway was multiplied by roughly a factor of six. This sort of spacetime modification requires a high-level data entity with enough energy to power a small star."

What? Are you sure? Can't you and Mikuru travel easily through time? It can't be that hard, right?

"Our methods are different. Sending an object through time is simply jumping from point to point. Altering the behavior of time on this scale requires more effort. Raito alone is thought incapable of this."

Ah, I thought so, thank goodness. In that case, it must've been Haruh—

"Incorrect."

What?

"Incorrect. Suzumiya Haruhi is not responsible for the temporal distortion. The action was caused by Raito."

But isn't he incapable of causing something like that?

"Not directly. However, Haruhi's presence has effected his abilities. Haruhi has the ability to cause limitless change, but no control over it. Raito has very few abilities, but he is capable of complete control. It is very possible that Raito tapped into Haruhi's abilities and used them for himself. However, judging by Raito's behavior, this action was most likely unconscious."

Damn.. I hope he never realizes what he's capable of. I should try and keep him away from Haruhi then. Koizumi too, he'd definitely freak about it.

"There is one more matter you should be informed of."

More? Fine, what is it?

"Since the incident, there's been another jump in Raito's abilities. He can now produce 523,000 entries of code within 443 strings of code. This jump occurred within just a day, Kyon. These numbers may quadruple in another week if not controlled. At this rate, the Integrated Data Entity will soon be forced to label him a threat.

I was quiet. What could I say? Raito seemed like a nice guy, incapable of comprehending what was going on. It was never his intention to become public enemy number one to Nagato-san's boss. I guess I felt a little sad. I didn't know him all that well, but it was still unfair.

"Kyon.. you'll have to confront him soon. If Raito is not controlled, they will make me eliminate him."

… "Alright. I'll talk to him."

Yuki nodded. "I will ask Kimidori Emiri to accompany you." She turned on her heel and left in the direction of the stairs. As I watched her go, I pondered how this would all work out. For some reason, Yuki paused right before the staircase, and turned toward me.

"Ganbate."

Oh..

"Domo."

Well, I'm sure it'll all work out somehow.

* * *

So far, I've only given Kyon and Yuki character development. Sorry, it's just been a little inconvenient. Raito has been just a plot device so far, but I'll get him some more direct development soon. Haruhi will have her fill too, probably.. 

Read and Review, please!


End file.
